Thursday, May 19, 2005
Monday, May 02, 2005
Capitalism or Why the "Shift" Key Doesn't Matter
Making money is easy. All that is required is to convince other people to give you their money. If you want to be rich, you must figure out how to do this effectively. All ethical considerations aside (since this is capitalism, ethics must needs take a back seat to the power of the Almighty Dollar), your fundamental choice is to convince the other by persuasion or force. We will leave force aside, since this only applies to governments or criminals (NOTE: that is not an exclusive or. i.e., both can be true).
Methods of Persuasion:
1) The L. Ron Hubbard -- "God wants you to give me money."
Primarily the prerogative of organized religions, the argument works something like this:
a) You believe in God
b) I can convince others to believe in God.
c) Give me money so I can convince others to believe in God (and give me more money)
Note that this is no particular god, any god will do. Feel free to use a sufficiently mysterious concept like Dianetics or Medichlorians to substitute for a deity, if you wish.
2) The Sally Struthers Method -- "Give me money because of this thing that is cute, sad or sick."
The technique pulls at your heartstrings and may succeed in opening a wallet where many other attempts would fail. People feel ashamed for their own good fortune and will gladly assuage their guilt by giving some of that to the less fortunate--regardless of whether or not the afflicted will receive any benefit from the donation. We're only talking about warm-fuzzies here. No need for any actual good to be done.
3) Backsies -- "If you give me money, someone else will give you money."
This one is closely tied to the Sally Struthers Method. If the heart strings don't pull tight enough, the power of the phrase "tax write-off" may ring louder in their ears. "Warm Fuzzy" + "Screw You, Uncle Sam" = *ching ching*
A common variation is The Pyramid Scheme.
4) The Annie Oakley -- "Anything you can do, I can do better."
This method entails providing a service that the person could otherwise do themselves, if they weren't so lazy or irresponsible. i.e.,
"Give me money to change your oil."
"Can't I change my own oil?"
"It's easier if you just give me money."
5) The Madonna -- "I'm living in a material world, and I am a material girl."
People always want stuff. People are always willing to pay you for stuff. If they don't need the stuff you're selling, convince them otherwise.
6) The Veruca Salt -- "I want it now."
This one is very clever. Relying on the impulsive behavior of most people, give them money now in exchange for them giving you more money in return later. You essentially sell money. Not bad work, if you can get it.
"I want a $100."
"Okay, that will cost you $150."
"Sounds good to me!"
Bonus points are given to store credit cards, since they provide the double whammy of The Madonna and The Veruca Salt.
You can combine variations of these to get new and novel concepts like "The Gift That Keeps on Giving." Combine any combination of The Madonna and The Annie Oakley and you have a surefire way to make money by getting people to give you money for something that costs them money to keep. Two Madonnas gives you the Gilette method--sell a razor for a small amount of money. Charge a lot for the blades. To make the initial purchase of the razor "worth it," people are willing to buy a lot of blades. TiVo uses a Madonna and an Annie Oakley to get their revenue--buy the box, then pay the subscription fee unless you want a very expensive paper weight. And of course all of these can be combined with a Veruca Salt to make more money still! Your earning potential is only limited by your creativity. And remember, at the poker table of life, if you can't spot the sucker in 5 minutes, you're the sucker.
If you liked today's content, feel free to send me money.
Methods of Persuasion:
1) The L. Ron Hubbard -- "God wants you to give me money."
Primarily the prerogative of organized religions, the argument works something like this:
a) You believe in God
b) I can convince others to believe in God.
c) Give me money so I can convince others to believe in God (and give me more money)
Note that this is no particular god, any god will do. Feel free to use a sufficiently mysterious concept like Dianetics or Medichlorians to substitute for a deity, if you wish.
2) The Sally Struthers Method -- "Give me money because of this thing that is cute, sad or sick."
The technique pulls at your heartstrings and may succeed in opening a wallet where many other attempts would fail. People feel ashamed for their own good fortune and will gladly assuage their guilt by giving some of that to the less fortunate--regardless of whether or not the afflicted will receive any benefit from the donation. We're only talking about warm-fuzzies here. No need for any actual good to be done.
3) Backsies -- "If you give me money, someone else will give you money."
This one is closely tied to the Sally Struthers Method. If the heart strings don't pull tight enough, the power of the phrase "tax write-off" may ring louder in their ears. "Warm Fuzzy" + "Screw You, Uncle Sam" = *ching ching*
A common variation is The Pyramid Scheme.
4) The Annie Oakley -- "Anything you can do, I can do better."
This method entails providing a service that the person could otherwise do themselves, if they weren't so lazy or irresponsible. i.e.,
"Give me money to change your oil."
"Can't I change my own oil?"
"It's easier if you just give me money."
5) The Madonna -- "I'm living in a material world, and I am a material girl."
People always want stuff. People are always willing to pay you for stuff. If they don't need the stuff you're selling, convince them otherwise.
6) The Veruca Salt -- "I want it now."
This one is very clever. Relying on the impulsive behavior of most people, give them money now in exchange for them giving you more money in return later. You essentially sell money. Not bad work, if you can get it.
"I want a $100."
"Okay, that will cost you $150."
"Sounds good to me!"
Bonus points are given to store credit cards, since they provide the double whammy of The Madonna and The Veruca Salt.
You can combine variations of these to get new and novel concepts like "The Gift That Keeps on Giving." Combine any combination of The Madonna and The Annie Oakley and you have a surefire way to make money by getting people to give you money for something that costs them money to keep. Two Madonnas gives you the Gilette method--sell a razor for a small amount of money. Charge a lot for the blades. To make the initial purchase of the razor "worth it," people are willing to buy a lot of blades. TiVo uses a Madonna and an Annie Oakley to get their revenue--buy the box, then pay the subscription fee unless you want a very expensive paper weight. And of course all of these can be combined with a Veruca Salt to make more money still! Your earning potential is only limited by your creativity. And remember, at the poker table of life, if you can't spot the sucker in 5 minutes, you're the sucker.
If you liked today's content, feel free to send me money.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)